So in late 2014 I decided I was going to abstain from alcohol in 2015. All year, not one drop. And I did it! I was getting to the point where I was just drinking too much. I wasn’t enjoying my life for so many reasons. I was fat, out of shape, unhappy, not really doing anything and had no goals, no direction. I had no drive and was just slogging through each day. If I was going to change anything, it had to start with alcohol. I knew I wanted to get in shape and lose weight, and more importantly start caring about life again. None of that would happen while I kept drinking.
It was so important to me that I actually change and not just keep saying that I wanted to, but not do anything different. I was stuck in that cycle of saying, wanting, wishing, but not ever having the courage to make it happen. But I knew that I had to follow through this time. I knew that if I didn’t, I would just continue the cycle and stay in that bad place. I would never change. I knew that I had to do it, so I just decided that it would happen – that I would do it no matter what. There was just no question about it, I was quitting drinking.
The most important part was that I wanted it, badly. I had spent too much time wishing for things to be different. I had to make it happen. And I knew that if I just stopped drinking alcohol then everything would fall into place and things would start to change. And I was right! I made the plan to work out more often than not. 6 days a week. Weights and running. Simple enough and very effective. You can see just how effective in my weight loss story. Somehow I found the patience and will to just stick with it. It didn’t take long for me to just forget about drinking. I was no longer hungover, feeling like total garbage. It took a while for the sadness to go away. But the more I took care of myself, the better I felt. It took the first half of the year for me to start feeling really good. It just solidified my decision and resolve.
I started thinking about drinking again as the year got closer to an end. I couldn’t decide if I would just keep going without alcohol or start to incorporate it into my life again. There are so many reasons not to! But in the end I decided it was more important to try for some kind of balance in my life with alcohol. Plenty of people drink too much, all the time. Plenty of people drink too much occasionally. Then there are the people who drink sometimes, don’t have major issues with it, and just live life without any extra judgement. That is who I want to be, and who I know that I can be. If I learned anything in 2015, it is that I can do anything that I want to do. I can’t rely on excuses anymore. I either want something, or I don’t. I will either do, or not. I don’t have to hold onto the old stories that I used to tell myself about who I used to be. I can finally forgive myself and move on.
I don’t know what else to say. I’m so happy that I decided to quit drinking for a year and reclaim my life. I am so proud of myself!! I didn’t realize how much I was missing out on. I don’t ever want to let that happen again. I hope that I won’t.
Anyway, all that to say that I drank a beer today. A 10.2% 16 oz. beer that a customer at work gave me. Because he wanted to be nice. So I accepted the gesture and drank it. It gave me a great buzz and the world didn’t end. It was all very confusing and liberating LOL I appreciated the gift I gave myself even more because of it. And I will continue to believe in myself.
Thats that, I suppose.