Letting go of the past

I spent a while yesterday going through some old clothes that I had been hanging on to. You know, like skinny clothes, hoping they will fit again one day. And they did all fit! In the sense that I could slip the jeans over my thighs and button comfortably. But  most of those jeans were from many years ago, like 10 years. And I guess I didn’t know how to buy things that actually do fit back then LOL I mostly had old boot cut jeans and capris. This was before I discovered that short women should wear petite sizes – because they are for short women. Boot cut jeans look great, if they are the right length, and you are wearing boots. Revelation! And why was I obsessed with capris?! They don’t look good on short women. I’m pretty sure I knew that, I had heard it various places. But still I kept buying them. I realized that I was using them instead of shorts. Using them to hide. And then I felt really sad for my old self. I hated myself so much and hated my body, even though I actually was skinny back then. No matter how much weight I could have lost then, I still would not have been able to be comfortable in my own skin.

I honestly do not know why I have had such a change of heart lately. I DO love my body now. I love me, because I’m not constantly comparing myself to anyone else anymore. That never did me any good!!! WHY did I waste SO MUCH TIME caring about what some stranger would think of me when they saw me in public? Ugh. Well at least I have learned from that. I am not going to waste any more time hating on my body or anything about me. I’m me and if you don’t like it, you can fuck off LOL I don’t even care. It’s funny, I see all of these articles about things that change for women as they get older, and I would never have believed them even 5 years ago, but they are all true. I have simply started to care less about all of the trivial things that just don’t matter. Am I happy? healthy? Is my family? That’s all that matters.

Whew! Glad to get that off my chest! And to get rid of all of those old jeans. (I’m keeping the t-shirts though!)

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