I’m trying to decide what to do here with this space. I feel like it is all weight, all the time. That’s not really what I want. I definitely need some focus on other stuff. Truth is, I am obsessed with my weight and losing weight. That is kind of obvious right?! I would like to NOT be obsessed. As far as what I’m going to do about it, I have a few things planned.
I’m going back to plain old Intuitive Eating. No more good or bad foods, no food police, no more diets. Eating when I’m hungry and until I’m satisfied. Eat what I like and not what I ‘should’. I keep looking for the perfect way to eat, but really I’m just getting exhausted with all of the conflicting information! And I don’t think any one person has the answer. I will focus on eating whole, real foods, but if I want something processed once in a while I will go for it. This means facing up to the fact that I will never give up sugar I will probably even keep on having a treat every single day. 3 or 4 cookies? no. But I like my chocolate squares and no one (even myself) will ever convince me that I shouldn’t have some every day.
Even though I’ll be trying to eat intuitively, I will be meal skipping. Today I’m skipping all of my meals! I’ll be juicing today. I do believe in Intermittent Fasting, and right now I’m planning on doing one day a week of juice fasting. It makes total sense to me that if I want to lose fat, I will be hungry sometimes. Fasting will be a way to make sure that I will get hungry. This also relates to the intuitive eating since I should really only be eating when I’m truly hungry. Mini meals throughout the day aren’t going to let me feel hunger. So fasting to me just means going the one day as above, and going longer times between meals without eating. No schedule really, just letting it happen.
I’m going to quit worrying about the number on the scale. I DO still want to lose weight. I’m not at a healthy weight right now and I need to get to one. I’m not going to quit weighing, in fact I have ordered a different kind of scale called the Zero Scale. I want a way to measure my progress besides just measuring, which doesn’t show enough of a change for me during shorter periods of time. It takes a while to lose an inch! The premise of the Zero Scale is that you don’t have to see your weight, only gains and losses. It will show the weight but I think I would like to be free from that. I would rather go by how I look and feel and how I am able to perform in my daily life.
I’m going to keep working out daily, because it makes me feel good. It really does. Also, because I committed to that whole marathon thing in October And, I am finally realizing, that exercise does not equal weight loss (DUH!). Food is what keeps people losing and maintaining, not exercise. Exercise does figure into the equation, but there is only so much it can do. And it can’t undo a day’s worth of eating crap, or drinking a six-pack of beer. So yes, exercise just because it is necessary to be healthy and it keeps me feeling good.
No more weight loss message boards. No more reading of diet blogs. I’m not sure what that will leave me as far as blogs to read, but oh well If it is something positive and sane, then yes I will read. When I read about someone else struggling or restricting it is that much easier for me to rationalize it. Gotta stop.
I am going to try and pick back up on my hobbies, or even get new ones. I want to read more, waste more of my time with M without being preoccupied, just do more and think less about my weight and food. I want to have more fun!
I know that it isn’t normal to ALWAYS be thinking about food and my weight! I have just been this way for so long that it is hard to not do it. I think not knowing the scale number and not trying to tweak my diet anymore will help. It will be hard to change my thinking and will take a long time I’m sure, but I really need to do this. I’ve spent almost 10 years yo-yoing. I’ve spent almost all of my life feeling chubby or fat and not good enough because of it. I can’t spend 30 more years doing the same thing!! It is time to get off of that ride. If I find myself starting to think diety or like I have to get weight off now now now, I will just move out of it somehow. Go do something else for crap’s sake.
I know I am making declarations all of the time so roll your eyes accordingly. But when I finally decided to do this one, I just felt at peace. Happy. I know that this is the right thing to do. I can’t keep going on like I have been, and the only way to change it is to just stop. The world will not end if I don’t weigh myself, or if I eat potato chips, or if I decide that I’m just going to not worry about my weight anymore. I can’t say for sure that I won’t revert back to diet mode, but if I feel like I am going there I will at least come back and read this post and then see how I feel about it.
There is more to life, and I want that something more. This is not just the end, but the beginning too. I promise – myself!!
So for the future of this blog, I hope you will see more of recipes, knitting, camping, budget, and generally goofing off. I hope so.