Fighting the diet urges

I still haven’t been doing great in regards to living a healthy lifestyle.  This month has pretty much been zero exercise and too much booze.  I don’t want to keep yo-yoing so I’ve been trying to think of ways I can really make a difference in my life and health.  I know I need to make consistent, long-term changes, made by practicing daily habits.  While I want to do something challenging to kick-start change, I also know that I need to keep things relatively easy or I just won’t stick to it.  I’m fighting a lot of thoughts to start a diet or a new plan, but I know that isn’t really what I want to do.  So I made a quick list of things I could do to help me out.

And we are going to do a couple of ‘big’ things.  We are going back to the Real Food Challenge, with some exceptions of course ;)  While we do this we are also going to stop eating out at restaurants.  We have been doing this way too much, and while I do like it for the most part, it is just too much money being wasted!  Especially since I am pretty picky about my food!  So we are going to cut that out.  We are going to be really strict for the next 6 months, about 80 days longer than the 100 days we did before!  I know we will all feel better.

Anyway, here’s what I came up with besides that.

  • Aim for balanced meals
  • Eat more salads/veggie based meals
  • Eat more beans and fish
  • Cut out alcohol and other empty calorie drinks
  • Eat real food, avoid processed food (as above)
  • Quit eating out
  • Get enough sleep!!  (I’m really failing on this one)
  • Exercise daily, some days just walking will be my exercise
  • Make exercise/fitness goals – my main ones right now will be to restart and complete the Train to be Awesome programs, and to work back into running when the air gets better here.  I’m dreaming of actually doing the marathon again this year, but I guess I’ll wait to see how it goes, and if I would even have the funds to do it.
  • Do other things that I enjoy more, like knitting, spinning, reading, playing more games with M and such.

I really hope that I can start to turn things around for good.  I’m tired of ‘doing good’, or starting and stopping.  My life just keeps on going, whether or not I think I’m starting fresh or whatever :lol:  There isn’t any stopping!  I have to get this through my head and just try to do my best every day.  I hope that this year I can get all of the weight-related junk out of my head and just enjoy my life.

Food Budget wrap up for the year

I won’t go into the details of what we bought, just want to catch up and finish out the yearly budget.  We did a lot of eating out.  We also bought a lot of stuff for Christmas dinner and to make goodies to give to my family and friends.  I guess it probably all evened out.

  •  Week 1 $84.46
  • Week 2 $157.60
  • Week 3 $163.30
  • Weeks 4 & 5 $25.58
  • Week 6  $166.90
  • Week 7 $146.80
  • Week 8 $202.40
  • Week 9 $208.57
  • Week 10 $280.10
  • Week 11 $195.90
  • Week 12 $150.20
  • Week 13 $188.59
  • Weeks 14-17 $140.25 per week, total of $420.75
  • Weeks 18-21 $127.50 per week, total of $510
  • Weeks 22-24 $90.28 per week, total of $270.84
  • Week 25 $168.40
  • Week 26 $175.60
  • Week 27 $89
  • Week 28 $89
  • Week 29 $272
  • Week 30 $216
  • Week 31 $43
  • Week 32 $80.30
  • Week 33 $172.26
  • Week 34 $269.50
  • Week 35 $101.30
  • Week 36 $366.80
  • Week 37 $150
  • Week 38 $110
  • Week 39 $200.80
  • Week 40 $268.32
  • Week 41 $94.54
  • Week 42 $141.70
  • Week 43 $9.28
  • Week 44 $147.66
  • Week 45 $132.2
  • Week 46 $261.1
  • Week 47 $28.40
  • Week 48 $205.60
  • Week 49 $119.10
  • Week 50 $162.30
  • Week 51 $103.40
  • Week 52 $155.20

So if I was spending $125 per week, that would be $6,500 for the year.

Our 52 week total ended up being $7504.75 (unless I added wrong!), which comes out to be $144.32 per week.  This is actually pretty great!!  That includes food for parties, and food that we put up, and all of my overbuying on sales :lol:

I don’t know that I’ll keep doing these.  It was fun to see where we are at and to be able to keep under the $150 weekly mark.  If I keep doing it, I’ll try to add more of how we are actually using the stuff up. I do want to try and keep less food overall in the house.  We have shelves downstairs that are overflowing with food.  All shelf stable stuff of course.  Just things that were on sale, and a lot of it makes sense but it doesn’t if we don’t use it regularly!  I’m going to try and be better about that this year.  Anyway.

That’s a wrap!

 

Another hat

M liked the cotton candy beanie so much that I knit another one!  (Since the original wasn’t meant for her).  Now she gets to have her pick.  I used red yarn this time and I think I like it better.  I bet I could squeeze one more hat out of what’s left of the novelty yarn…

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It just doesn’t matter! Or, a total 180.

So, I have been reading old posts on my blog, and it really saddens me to see how much I used to care about stuff other than weight, and now I just don’t.  Maybe this isn’t apparent since I pretty much quit blogging in the last couple of years.  But I have become almost completely obsessed with my weight.  It takes over in a lot of aspects of my life!

I used to love knitting and spinning and all things fiber related.  Even though I would knit sweaters in the hopes of wearing them someday in a smaller size than I was.  That all seems kind of, well, really depressing to me now.  I had my baby in February 2004.  It is freaking 2013, almost 2014 now!!  How long am I going to let this obsession with my weight last?!  I really need to get over it.  I need to heal.  It has morphed into this really unhealthy thing, where if I am not doing awesomely, I am doing extremely poorly.  My life should not depend on what my weight is.  I just can’t do this anymore!

I am making a commitment right now to just not give a shit anymore.  Not in an I don’t care about my health way, but in an I won’t shame myself way anymore.  My weight is not the most interesting thing about me.  I am pretty damn shallow if I base what I think about myself on my weight!  I can’t believe I have let myself get to this point, where I care/obsess about my weight and size so much.  I am normally a kind of ‘fuck you’ person, or, I don’t really care what people think about me.  I must have been paying too much attention to the media to get to this point where I care so much.

Am I a good person?  Am I doing the things that will really help me in life?  Am I giving all I can to the people I care about most in my life?  These are the things I should be worrying about.  Not if I am going to be able to buy smaller pants soon.  There are really more important things to worry about than the size of my thighs.  And honestly?  I think once I stop obsessing about my size, I will probably finally be able to come to peace with it, and actually make some progress.

I am not healthy right now. I am drinking too much because I am disappointed with myself.  I can quit, and I will feel so much better.  I can just exercise without deadlines, like I know I will need to for the rest of my life, and it will probably be more enjoyable just to be doing it for fitness, rather than a specific number of calories burned.

I feel like an ass having to admit all of this.  That I was completely wrong, for so long.  That I have just been torturing myself for the last 7 or 8 years.  And for what?!  I really don’t know.    But in reading through my past entries, I know something isn’t right these days, and it hasn’t been right for a really long time.  I was fit-ish when I started blogging, and in reading old entries I can just see myself getting so much more unhappy, and weighing more and being more unfit.  And I think most of it was due to myself putting a stigma on gaining any weight.  Weight gain happens.  Life happens.  If you aren’t consistent with some kind of regimen, well, things are going to happen!  That’s what happened with me.  I never found something that I wanted to stick with for life.  I always wanted to be on the extreme end of things.  I am realizing now that there are normal people that make small choices every day and don’t kill themselves in the gym and have long and healthy, happy lives still.  Extreme doesn’t win.

I am making it my goal now to just not give a fuck.  Not like I am going to do whatever and not care, but I am going to try and be happy and healthy and not give a fuck as to what my size or weight is.  I think I am ready to just give up the scale and all of the negatives that it holds for me.

Am I happy?  Do I feel good?  Am I living my life in a healthy manner?  Those are the things that matter.  Everything else is just buying into the noise that the media wants me to hear.  I am tired of this up and down roller coaster that I have been on for the last 8+ years.  I just want to live, to enjoy what I do every day, and to be healthy.

So I’m not sure what that means for this blog!  I hope that I will learn to take interest once again in things that are not weight related.  I hope that I will become enamored with knitting and spinning once again!!  I am good at it.  Why I gave it up, I do not know.  I would like to find some purpose in my life again, be it knitting or whatever.  I do know that obsessing about weight and plans isn’t healthy or fulfilling in any way.

I guess what I will try to do now is NOT calorie count.  I know the count of most things, and I know what are good choices and what are not.  I am going to try and get in touch with my body and mind.  I am going to try and go the intuitive route, eating when I feel like I need to, and eating what I know works for me in regards to working out.  I am going to work out still, 3 days weights and 3 days running or other cardio.  I am just going to try and listen to my body and do right by myself.  I do care about what I look like, but at the same time I don’t.  If I can learn to listen to ME and not give a shit about what anyone thinks of me, then that will be fantastic.  That will be the ultimate goal for me!!!  So I guess no more counting.  No more monitoring.  If I come across something that is amazing or interesting to eat, I will blog it.  Otherwise, my sustenance isn’t going to be my major blog content.

I’m not sure if anyone is reading, but if anyone is, I hope that I can find more interesting things to blog about than my meals and workouts.  I am going to start knitting more, which is what this blog started out as, and I hope to just be more crafty in general with food and knitting and everything else.  I miss the old ME!!!!  I want her back.  And I am going to get her back.  Not sure what else to say about it all, but I’m looking forward to a brand new day, even if I shared my new knitting with y’all already today ;)

Here’s to the new me I guess?!

I’m starting now.  Not waiting until New Year’s.  There isn’t any reason to wait!  I can do the best I can every day, no matter what special holiday it is.  So tomorrow, I’m not going to weigh in on myself in any way.  I’m just going to try to do good for myself.  And be happy :)

 

Re-committing

Well, I have to admit that I have been doing really poorly in terms of my health and fitness over the last few months.  I don’t know why I do this, but I just kind of let it all go out the window since I ran the half marathon in October.  Too much beer, too much food, and I am up about 10 pounds from then and totally out of shape again.  I really want to break the cycle.  Like I said, I don’t know why I do it!  But I keep doing it, so there must be some payoff in a really weird way.  At any rate, I’m going to try committing to being healthy again and losing some weight, and hopefully if I make it more of a public thing then I’ll be more likely to stick to it.  So for now, I’m going to try and just post a daily recap of what I’m doing and how my days are going.

So, today!  I got up and had coffee for breakfast :)  I planned on not eating until lunch since I knew we would be eating out somewhere.  I dropped M off at school and picked up K so we could go Christmas shopping.  We got almost everything we needed to done, and around 1:30 we ended up at Red Iguana for lunch.  I finally got the mango enchiladas that I’ve been eyeing for a while.  They were good, but I got full pretty quickly in since I was having a beer too.  I ate one and 3/4 of the other, along with some chips and salsa and a few bites of guacamole from K’s plate.  I was glad I didn’t get anything bigger or heavier.

After we got home for the afternoon it was time to work out.  I ended up getting a heart monitor over the weekend and I’m making it my goal to burn 500 calories with intentional exercise 6 days of the week.  I started out on the elliptical for 25 minutes to warm up and then did my strength session.  The program I’m doing only has 5 exercises each session but with all of the warmup sets and rests in-between, it took me an hour to complete!  I still had 150 calories to go so I did some kettlebell swings with my 15 pounder.  I ended up doing 500 swings!  It took me 10 minutes active time, but I took a lot of breaks :lol:  I’m not used to that!  But it felt great so I’m going to try and do it more often.  I still had about 60 calories to go after that, so I got back on the elliptical for a quick 10 minutes.  My whole workout time was about 1 hour and 45 minutes!

Dinner was a stir-fry with broccoli, peppers, onions, and beef.  Pretty tasty and I ate quite a bit since it was just meat and veggies.  Now I’m having a beer :)  And then I’ll be done for the day.  Tomorrow I’m going to try and get up early and walk for a bit to get a jump on the 500 burn and hopefully I won’t have to work out so much in the afternoon.  I’m planning on getting outside for a run/walk if the air is good.

I estimated my calories at about 1834 for the day.  My Fitbit steps for the day right now are 15,000.  That is the most I’ve gotten in weeks!  I’m looking forward to a good night’s sleep and another good day tomorrow.  That’s all I can do right now, is take it one day at a time.

Spur of the moment pumpkin

Ripped off from the internets

Ripped off from the internets

Kitchen shenanigans

I feel like I spent all of my weekend in the kitchen!  I had pretty much decided that I wouldn’t do much, if any, canning this year.  Well I did a batch of beets for a friend and that all changed.  Apparently I got bit by the bug.  Saturday morning we hit up the farmer’s market and got a bunch of stuff – tomatoes, peaches, apples – and I went to work.  I wanted to do the peaches but they weren’t ready, and probably won’t be until tomorrow.  So I started on the tomatoes and made some garden veggie juice.  It didn’t take too long since I just leave in the skins and seeds.  I put it in the Blendtec and it mixes it up really well.  I got that done and still had some tomatoes left so I used them with some pizza sauce packets my friend gave me last year.

Then I did up some curried apple chutney – I’ve never even had chutney before :lol:  It sounded good though and I think it will be really nice with pork chops or chicken.  I was going to quit after that but I decided to hurry and get some applesauce done before bed.  I didn’t get to bed until 10:00 from canning!

Sunday I wasn’t going to do much except a recipe for dried fruit conserve.  I ended up organizing all of my jars and doing a count, which I will not reveal.  I feel like I have a lot though :lol:  That got me even more excited to fill them up, of course.  I went to the store to get the ingredients for the conserve and also to make a batch of beer.  When I got home I did the beer first, then started on the canning.  The conserve was a new recipe for me and I’m not sure I did it right, I think I cooked too much liquid out of it.  I may try it again and not cook it down so far.  It sure tastes good though!  I used blueberries, pineapple, papaya, and cranberries.  If it works out well the next time I’ll share the recipe.

So I only did those two things but somehow it took me half the day.  I finished just in time to make a quick soup for dinner.  I’m feeling very over washing dishes right now!  That is the worst part of canning and beer making.  Anyway, it was productive and I’m going to gear myself up to do some more this weekend.

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Here’s what I ended up with:

  • 17 pints of garden veggie juice!
  • 8 pints of pizza sauce
  • 7 pints of applesauce
  • 11 half pints and 1 pint of apple chutney
  • 7 pints of dried fruit conserve
  • 1 5 gallon batch of random beer ;)

Chocolate Cherry Cream Scones

The other day I bought a big container of heavy cream with no plan really to use it up.  I guess that’s a lie, I was secretly thinking ice cream!  I ended up opening it to make some potato leek soup.  It sat in the fridge for a few days, I ran out of milk and had to use the cream, which reminded me I needed to make a plan.  I still might make ice cream but who knows?  Scones sounded good, but something more than basic had to be done.  Enter the chocolate cherry scone!

This recipe is adapted from America’s Test Kitchen.  Any time I’ve made it before the dough seems to dry and I have to add a bit more liquid.  Today I just planned on adding more and it worked out great!

(I know this is not a pretty picture!  Hard to make a dark brown rectangle look pretty :lol:)

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Chocolate Cherry Scones

  • 1 cup whole wheat flour
  • 1 cup all-purpose flour
  • 1 1/2 tsp. baking powder
  • 1/4 tsp. salt
  • 1 tsp. instant espresso powder
  • 1/4 cup cocoa powder*
  • 2/3 cup dried cherries, roughly chopped
  • 1/4 cup sugar
  • 5 T butter cut into small pieces
  • 1 1/2 cups heavy cream
  • 1/2 tsp almond extract

*I used black cocoa powder but any kind will work.

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.  Add all of the dry ingredients and the sugar to a food processor and pulse until combined.  Add the butter and pulse 10-12 times to mix well.  Add the cherries and pulse a few times.  Transfer the mix to a large bowl and add in the cream and almond extract.  You will probably need to work it with your hands a little bit, but don’t overdo it.  The dough will be sticky and seem like it has too much liquid.  It’s okay!  Drop the dough onto a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper and pat out into your desired shape, I did a square.  Cut the dough into 8 equal pieces and separate them on the cookie sheet.  Mine cooked for 15 minutes and I cooled them on a wire rack.

I really like these scones!  They definitely gave me a good chocolate fix.  I had one with a smoothie after a run and it really filled me up.  Plus, chocolately.  What else do you need?!

Week in Workouts

Thought I’d share what I did this past week.

Sunday – ran/walked 3.18 miles at 8000 feet at Currant Creek Reservoir!

Monday – did a boot camp style workout starting at 10 reps and working down to 1 – did jumping jacks, squats, incline pushups, dips, step ups, and  burpees.

Tuesday – ran 3.72 miles

Wednesday – Boot camp and I walked 3.5 miles

Thursday – Ran 4.52 miles

Friday – Did 40 minutes weights.  I did 2 sets of everything.  Details:

  • Goblet squats 25# kettlebell 15 reps
  • Calf raises 25# kettlebell 12 reps
  • Lunges 25# kettlebell 10 reps
  • Single leg deadlifts 25# kettlebell 10 reps
  • Wall sits with the 25# kettlebell 30 seconds
  • Rows 25# 10 reps
  • Bicep curls 15# 6 reps – I’m weak lol
  • Shoulder press 15# 10 reps
  • Dips on the bench 10 reps
  • Pushups on my toes 10 reps
  • DB Bench press 25# 7 and 6 reps
  • Pullovers 25# kettlebell 10 reps
  • 1/2 pullups with help from the bench 10 reps

I wanted to do some swings today too but I kind of ran out of time!  And I just remembered I was going to do some planks.  At boot camp our goal is to do 2 minute planks and I’ve done it once, but last time I was only able to do 1 minute 40 seconds.  I’d like to get to 2 minutes consistently.  Anyway!

Tomorrow is my REST DAY!

Boot Camp Day 1

Wow, I am exhausted tonight!!  I started the day bright and early at 5:30 with an hour of incline walking on the treadmill.  Then after breakfast I wanted to get outside with M and we did a leisurely walk of 50 minutes.  I’m having family over tomorrow so I emptied the kitchen and entryway and cleaned the floor, which seemed to take forever.  I also did my first day of Boot Camp today!  It was HARD.  I am so out of shape I guess.

After we warmed up we did a circuit for I don’t know, maybe 25 minutes? of tire flips and jumps, rocking planks, and lunges with a twist holding a medicine ball – I used a 6 pound for most of the time and then 4 pounds on the last set.  Oh my hell, that kicked my ass!  I have never done those tire flips before.  I was dripping and having a hard time breathing.  Then we moved to do core work with the TRX.  I seriously need a lot of work on my core.  I couldn’t hold most of the planks for very long and I felt a lot of pressure in my back because I wasn’t holding my glutes tight enough.  I think I will be attempting a lot more of that kind of stuff at home.

I can’t remember what the trainer said we were doing on Wednesday but I am ready to be whooped again :lol:  I am super glad to be doing it with my good friend too :D  Misery loves company.

After all the activity today my Fitbit has me at 24,000+ steps!!  That is a record for me :)

Now time for bed!